My Monsters

I was feeling down.
Why?
I don't really know...
I have a smile plastered on my face,
laughing till stomach hurts,
surrounded by my friends,
What was upsetting me?
One of my friends grasped my shoulder and grinned. 'Where are you going?'
I have to go
`Okay, Bye.' She gave me a high five and a huge wave as I left.
Why still I have this heaviness in my heart?
They hate me. Oh they must. Why would they like me? Me!?
Boring, uninteresting me.
Theys are obviously lying. Trash talking behind my back. Oh they must be.
They obviously are praying I do not come as they invite me along. Wishing they were with someone else. Why would they want to be with the awkward me?
Oh how I hate myself. Why does this darkness engulf me as I am left alone or among the crowd?
Why does these monsters attack me?
Who are the monsters that hate me so?
Looking at the mirror as I was passing by...seeing my worn out face...
The monsters is me. Its in me, diffused into my everyday thoughts. Turning my happy day into a sad one. Telling me I useless I am. How I should not bother living...
How do I get rid of it? Why can't I be like everyone else? Why do I loathe myself so?
 Please stop hurting me...
 I want to able to speak out without being afraid of what others might think. I want to be close to someone without being afraid they might feel disgusted.
I want to be happy..