Too Tired to Socialize

Should I go or not? 

I have to decide whether to go to a certain event. I feel very conflicted. I am afraid of seeming arrogant but yet I have no desire to socialise with anyone there. Maybe the problem is me. I just don't want to end up just going to an event where I end up just sitting alone or joining empty conversations. Doing things mostly out of politeness. Feels fake and I don't have the energy for it.

I kinda hate my personality at times. This is why I don't have many friends probably.

It just feels tiring. I have a hard time explaining how I feel even to my introvert friends. Despite them being introverted, I do feel like they are more accepting to people then I am. Maybe it is also because I am unconsciously, consistently being fake while I am interacting with other people. 

I hold back too much of myself while socialising. I am only truly myself with my family and my best friend. I feel like I am in character. I wish I could feel comfortable and just be myself. But I have lost a few friends every time I do and I always feel people take me the wrong way.

I think too much. I let what others MAY think about me affect me, I can't stop caring. Although, I may have gotten a slightly bit better...

That's why I am not willing to go to the event. I would have to put up a front.

I feel tired just thinking about the idea of talking with any of them. Plus, I think they are just merely being polite with me. The friendship or relationship always felt fake to me. Like, they only talk to me or greet me out of politeness instead of friendliness. 

There is no desire to form a friendship from them. I always felt in a way, they have put a line. Or maybe I unconsciously put a wall up myself.