Disconnected Relationships

I recently discovered that my former roommate got married, and it's left me with mixed emotions. On one hand, I'm genuinely happy for her, and I feel a sense of pride. However, on the other hand, I can't help but feel a tinge of sadness, and I'm not entirely sure why. It's somewhat disheartening to realize this significant life event through social media, and it underscores my love-hate relationship with these platforms. They keep us connected, yet they can make us feel incredibly disconnected.

It's an unusual feeling to find out about the life events of people I used to converse with daily through social media updates. They share pictures or short clips, but there's no direct message or conversation. I understand that no one is obligated to notify me personally, but it does make me reflect on the depth of our relationship. Am I merely a spectator from afar, just another follower on their list? It highlights the lack of genuine interaction that often happens in social media.

I might be overreacting, and it's fair to question why I'm feeling this way, especially when I wouldn't describe our relationship as particularly close. Nevertheless, moments like this make me contemplate deleting my social media accounts altogether. Despite not having a large following or numerous followers, I've recently expanded my circle, and now I find myself feeling increasingly disconnected from the people I'm connected to.

I've been more lenient with my friend requests and follows lately, but I've come to regret it. Many of these individuals are now strangers to me. They've changed over time, and some have transitioned their accounts into business profiles, making it even harder to remember why I followed them in the first place. All I see are their products or their involvement in various fandoms. It's not that there's anything wrong with that, but it emphasizes the sense of disconnection.

I can't help but wonder if the phase of life I was with them was insignificant to them. I also feel a sense of guilt, questioning whether I should have reached out more or been more outgoing. To be honest, I believe I made efforts to connect, so it's painful to feel like I'm the one left feeling disconnected. I'm not sure if I'm being overly dramatic, but these feelings are real and valid to me.

“They are so caught up in their happiness that they don't realize I'm not really a part of it. I am wandering along the periphery. I am like the people in the Winslow Homer paintings, sharing the same room with them but not really there. I am the people in the other cars, each with his or her own story, but passing too quickly to be noticed or understood.”

― David Levithan, Every Day