Growth

How much have I changed?

It's a tough question.

And do I even want to change?
Why must I change?

Damn, it 2018, and people are making resolutions. Truthfully, this year I barely thought about it.
I mean I haven't had specific resolutions. Not something I necessarily want to accomplish this year anyway.

The things I am trying to change about myself are things I have been doing far too long and has become a horrible habit. I do it instinctively. Which is wrong and sometimes unhealthy.

Anyway, I have thought I have changed quite a bit this year, but someone has abruptly shattered that hope and thought. I guess they mean well, (they always think they do) trying to encourage me to be more out there.

But the reason for why she said it unsettled me.

I ain't-a chatty person, and I know I ain't exactly great at conversations and making a great impression.

Cause' truthfully, I am more of a dry humour person and a pessimist. I am not a cheery, outgoing and overly optimistic type of person. I don't easily open up to a conversation with someone I just met.

But change is not necessarily about the end result, it is about the development. At least in my opinion. Especially when you are in a learning environment.

Everyone cares too much about the end result, and I feel like that is way too stressful and pushing yourself way too much.

We always have a goal of what type of person we want to be every year and if we based it on the outcome then we fail every year.

We should focus more on our growth in this journey.

For example being healthy. Ok so, you ain't some fitness fanatic at the end of the year but you started taking vegetables, eating on time..whatever. That is a difference and that is just as meaningful.

Those who just get to know me may not see the difference I try and make and the small changes I am trying to accomplish every day. But those who are far apart me could see I did gain more courage, though it is still layered with some doubt.

And honestly, some days I can't just bother with human beings and that is, unfortunately, is a personality I can't be bothered to get rid off entirely, however like I said I am more open to people now.

SO, shall you evaluate my success based on the conclusion or based on my progress? We all define success in a different way so maybe I can't really convince you that I am a changed person or a better person than I was before.

In all truthness, life isn't a movie. You don't start with an ugly duckling to a beautiful swan in a short span of time. People are just missing the point of success stories.

I think it’s okay to feel lost in your life. I think it’s okay not to reach that final goal (in your life). you may earn things while being lost or could make something out of it through the emotions you feel. I think it should be your judgement. you don’t have to make someone else judge the satisfaction of your life. I hope that you don’t feel too anxious about feeling lost in your life.
~Jonghyun (source: thatcoolcatmeow)

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side. It's the climb. (The Climb-Miley Cyrus)