Anxiety

I am totally freaking out right now. And times like this make me so unfocused. I can't think of anything else, I am so restless. Wondering how to fix it yet don't know how...

Then the self-blame and self-hating thoughts come. Like omg you idiot! -This only happens to you-You are so unlucky-

I am so anxious. I want to tell someone yet I am slightly worried how they think of me or that they might make me more anxious. I also just want to be in denial of the situation and be hopeful it ain't a big deal..I can fix this.

I am going back and forth from comforting and hopeful to hopelessness and scared.

What is one suppose to do during such times?

Then it start giving me headaches. Like my head hurts. And I can't sleep. I sometimes would just lie on my bed. Awake. Thinking. Not purposely. I just can't not think about it.

Even if I do fall asleep. Even if the problem was not the last thing I thought of before I slept. I would dream about it. The problem and my stress chasing me even in my dreams.

I am confused seeing some people who always seem laid back in every situation.

People tell me to chill and I was exagerrating and laugh about it after I tell when it was over.

They had no idea how I was feeling at the time.

I think the most worst feeling during being stressed is sometimes how lonely it feels. As no one understands. Maybe people are better are hiding it then me or I was just caught up in my own world that I dont see but I feel as if I am always alone having this problem

I discreetly ask around wondering if they have the same problem and would get no for an answer. I was hoping I could maybe get a solution or motivation or maybe just a companion. Is that messed up?

But my shoulder just feel heavier and heavier.

Sometimes I laugh after it is over. But now at the moment of anxiety I just can't laugh, not when I have no idea how it will end or if there is even any solution.

Oh, I feel so alone.